The No-Shave November Logs, Day 7: ...It's How You Play The Game

As you probably know by now, Washington's R-74 to legalize same-sex marriage was approved yesterday. As you may also know, I have been a longtime supporter of same-sex marriage, on the grounds of promoting religious liberty (You can CLICK HERE to read my lengthy blog entry on the subject.). As such, I just wanted to take this time to say thank you to all my fellow Washington voters who voted to approve R-74. The future of religious liberty thanks you as well.

If you linked here from my Facebook page (CLICK HERE if you haven't already "Liked" me on FB!), chances are you did not vote to approve R-74, as - with a few notable exceptions - it seems that everyone I know on Facebook was quite vocal in their opposition of it. I just want you all to know, it doesn't change the way I feel about you. I don't have to agree with you on politics or policy to like you and be your friend.

I think we've lost sight of the importance of that fact in America. Politics has become so divisive - and intentionally so on the part of politicians - that we seem to have forgotten that, at the end of the day, Barack Obama and Mitt Romney (and even Gary Johnson, to all my fringe-dwelling comrades out there) are not going to put their arms around you when you're hurting. They're not going invite you to stay at their place when your house burns down. They're not going to give you a recommendation or talk to their boss for you when you're out of work. They're not going to come visit you in the hospital, or watch your kids for you when you have to work overtime. That's what friends are for, and if we allow politics to alienate us from each other, we'll find ourselves alone with our politics in our hour of need. I don't want that, and I'm willing to bet that you don't either.

Politics are important. They affect our lives in a lot of important ways, but they don't even come within shouting distance of the importance of personal relationships. So remember who your friends are. There's a good chance that some of the best ones are your political enemies. I think that says a lot.

DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look Seattle, 1992.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 6: Take It Like A Man

Well, I cast my vote and now I get to wait and see whether I'm getting raped by a donkey or an elephant for the next four years. And it is rape. Don't think that my vote changed that. When the only choice you're given is, "Will that be elephant dick or donkey dick, or would you prefer to let someone else decide?" it's not consentual. And if you think the rape metaphor isn't accurate, I agree. It doesn't even come close to what's going on here. In a rape, only one person is having their insides torn apart and possibly getting impregnated with a child they don't want. In an election, the whole country is having its insides torn apart, and we're all definitely being impregnated with a baby (read: future) that - while we may convince ourselves was a blessing, and may even come to adore - we didn't ask for.

And before you say, "But most of the country did ask for it," remember that most of the country is too dumb to realize they're being used. Would you say that a girl who gets roofied at a party was asking for it just because she didn't resist?

If my language and imagery is too graphic or offensive for you, I apologize, but I assure you it's no more graphic or offensive than what's being done to this country and to future generations of Americans. I may have chosen one type of rape over another, but as that donkey/elephant looms behind me, thrusting like a jackhammer, don't try to tell me it's love.

DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look Let's Get This Over With.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 5: Making The Tough Call

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I am not a fan of politicians. I have very strong beliefs about and for/against referendums and initiatives (CLICK HERE to read my lengthy take on Washington's R-74) because they not only directly affect our day-to-day lives, but they are concrete and knowable. You only have to read your voter's pamphlet and you can get all the information necessary to make a well-informed choice on any referendum, initiative, or measure up for a vote.

Not so with politicians.

With the possible exception of local office (I say possible, because I can't swear to even this small concession) politicians are completely unknowable. Unless you're some sort of master researcher, in this day and age it is impossible to sift through all of the fabricated, apocryphal, unreliable, and/or deliberately falsified garbage that is clogging the information superhighway and get some real information on the people we're electing to lead our country. When everyone has (nearly) unrestricted access to the primary source of both information gathering and dissemination, all information becomes unreliable, because there is no accountability system for any of it. Needless to say, I don't have much hope for the future of the office of President.

I voted for Barack Obama in 2008, and I voted for him again just today, but I want to make one thing crystal clear: I only voted for him because he is black. Years ago, when I totally lost all faith in politicians, I swore to myself that I would only vote for one if a black person, a woman, a native American, or a homosexual was up for either President or Vice President, because those are the two highest offices in our country and those are the the groups that have - in my estimation - been the most oppressed. I know some of you are going to argue for some other groups, but I've considered them all, and only those four meet my personal criteria.

That is the only reason I will ever vote for a politician, because if my only standard is that they be black, female, native, or homosexual then at least I know I'm getting what I signed up for.

Now, I am a pragmatist, and am therefore willing to admit that I may - in the distant future - find a politician I can actually have some faith in. If that day comes I can assure you that I will vote for him or her, regardless of who is running against them. However, I should emphasize the fact that only recognize this as a possibility because I believe in miracles. If I was a strict empiricist I would have to say that, based on all available evidence, it will never happen.


DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look Lost Hope.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 4: Rinse, Repeat

"I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal"
-Ron Burgundy

Well, you've probably heard by now that I'm exercising. Yeah, I put in a couple of miles on the exercycle, then did some push-ups and sit-ups. No big deal.

Aw, who am I kidding? It's a huge deal (at least for me)! Huger still, I did it again today! Yeah, that's right! Two days in a row! Sure, when I was done I huffed and puffed for fourty-five minutes before runnels of crotch-sweat finally stopped pooling in my shoes, but I did it! I'm a man!

Well, that's the plan, anyway. We'll have to see if I can keep it up for the rest of the month, but the fact that I did it on Sunday is quite a victory on my part. It's sooooo hard just to get motivated to do anything on a Sunday, let alone something you hate. It's even harder when you're in agonizing pain from exercising on Saturday, but I soldiered through, because I'm a man!

Tomorrow: I take No-Shave November up a notch and stop shaving my legs and armpits!

DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look Airport Refugee.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 3: Lift With Your Legs

I have to wonder, just how out of shape am I that hauling a box of groceries from the car to the house leaves me winded and massaging my lower back like I spent the whole day loading cinderblocks onto a truck? Granted, it was a box of groceries from Costco, where each pack of whatever you may be buying is guaranteed to feed a small Somalian village for six days when properly refrigerated. Still, I feel like I shouldn't need to buy a lifting belt just to bring in the groceries.

Today's manly act: Start exercising. Now, I will grant you that I haven't actually started yet, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I'm going to get on that exercise bike as soon as I've finished posting this, and I'm gonna pedal until my butt feels like Rocky used it as a speed bag. Granted, that will probably be about 1.5 miles, but it's a start, and if I throw in some sit-ups and push-ups, it'll be about fifty times more exercise that I've gotten on any given day in the last six years. Yay me!

Now, if I can just stick with it for more than one day. Maybe that'll be tomorrow's manly act.

UPDATE: I did 2 miles on the exercycle, 15 push-ups, and 25 crunches. Not a lot, I know, but I feel like I just did a triathlon.

DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look Impromptu Married-Sex Legs.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 2: Talk Like A Man

So I decided that, to commemorate the manly act of not shaving, I'm going to try to do one manly thing each day in November. Now, I freely admit that my standards of what qualifies as "manly" are probably a lot lower than yours, but give me a break. At least I'm trying.

My manly act for today was to call the phone company and work out what the heck is going on with our phone line. You're probably saying to yourself, Since when has a phone call counted as a manly act? Since I'm the one making it, that's when!

I have a crippling fear of telephones. I have no idea why, but when I pick up a phone - unless I'm calling someone with whom I have a long-standing friendship, frequently reinforced by personal interaction - my heart starts to race, my palms start to sweat, and I begin to feel the need to vacate my bowels. There's probably an actual name for it that a psychiatrist could tell you - they seem to have a name for everything these days - but, as I have little to no respect for psychiatry, I refer to it as telephobia.

Well, you'll be pleased to know that I did make the phone call, I didn't chicken out and hang up the phone - though it would have been a relief, as the amount of noise on the line made me feel like I was James Woods in the final scenes of Videodrome - and I made an appointment for a repairman to come out and fix the line. I just hope the problem is outside the house, because if it's inside they said they'll charge me $85.00 to fix it, and while I'm trying to be more manly, my definition of manliness doesn't include paying out money I don't have.

DAILY NO-SHAVE NOVEMBER PIC:

I call this look 200-Grit.


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The No-Shave November Logs, Day 1

Well, it's that time of year again. The one month of the year when a man can be a man, as opposed to a cephalopod. Yes, it's No-Shave November, and around my house - in the words of some nameless Christmas crooner to whom I could probably attach a name with minimal research, but won't - it's the most wonderful time of the year!

This year I've decided to chronicle my transformation with daily photos. How original! Hey, at least when I'm old and ugly I'll have a record of how terrific looking I was at 33.

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